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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Dad
Picture
Humor
Came
Wallet
Funny
Wallets
Father
Fatherhood
Kids
Carries
Around
Carrie
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
