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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Irritated
Bone
Pet
Bones
Favorite
Dog
Arms
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
