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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sleep
Vacations
Politics
Vacation
Funny
Separate
Keep
Apart
Together
Dinner
Everything
Marriage
Take
Rooms
Relationship

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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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