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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Keep
Apart
Together
Dinner
Everything
Marriage
Take
Rooms
Relationship
Sleep
Vacations
Politics
Vacation
Funny
Separate
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield
