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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Dying
Humor
Funny
Lap
Family
Uncle
Wish
Uncles
Wanted
Chair
Chairs
Electric
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
