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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wish
Uncles
Wanted
Chair
Chairs
Electric
Dying
Humor
Funny
Lap
Family
Uncle
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
