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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Funny
Lap
Family
Uncle
Wish
Uncles
Wanted
Chair
Chairs
Electric
Dying
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
