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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Chairs
Electric
Dying
Humor
Funny
Lap
Family
Uncle
Wish
Uncles
Wanted
Chair
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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