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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Chairs
Electric
Dying
Humor
Funny
Lap
Family
Uncle
Wish
Uncles
Wanted
Chair
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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