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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Comedy
Lasts
Last
Funny
Girl
Attacked
Night
Controlled
Self
Saved
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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