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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Self
Saved
Humor
Comedy
Lasts
Last
Funny
Girl
Attacked
Night
Controlled
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
