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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Night
Controlled
Self
Saved
Humor
Comedy
Lasts
Last
Funny
Girl
Attacked
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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