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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lasts
Last
Funny
Girl
Attacked
Night
Controlled
Self
Saved
Humor
Comedy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
