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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
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Sent
Parents
Humor
Fun
Parent
Looking
Funny
Kids
Halloween
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
