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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Looking
Funny
Kids
Halloween
Like
Sent
Parents
Humor
Fun
Parent

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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