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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Parents
Humor
Fun
Parent
Looking
Funny
Kids
Halloween
Like
Sent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
