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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Kids
Halloween
Like
Sent
Parents
Humor
Fun
Parent
Looking
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
