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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Born
Mother
Slapped
Humour
Doctor
Doctors
Ugly
Beauty
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
