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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Doctors
Ugly
Beauty
Born
Mother
Slapped
Humour
Doctor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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