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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Doctor
Doctors
Ugly
Beauty
Born
Mother
Slapped
Humour
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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