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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Born
Mother
Slapped
Humour
Doctor
Doctors
Ugly
Beauty
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I can't get no respect.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
