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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ugly
Beauty
Born
Mother
Slapped
Humour
Doctor
Doctors
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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