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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Time
Dad
Piece
Pieces
Kidnapped
Comedy
Finger
Happy
Sent
Father
Humorous
Remember
Proof
Wanted
Fingers
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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