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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Zombie
Beat
Drinking
Beats
Ugly
Yeah
Comedy
Make
Bartender
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
Rodney Dangerfield
