Quote

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ugly
Yeah
Comedy
Make
Bartender
Zombie
Beat
Drinking
Beats

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield