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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Always
Parents
Humor
Comedy
Parent
Parenthood
Funny
Pregnancy
Moving
Parenting
Found
Comedian
Kids
Moved
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
