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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Comedy
Parent
Parenthood
Funny
Pregnancy
Moving
Parenting
Found
Comedian
Kids
Moved
Always
Parents
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I don't get no respect
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
