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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Comedy
Parent
Parenthood
Funny
Pregnancy
Moving
Parenting
Found
Comedian
Kids
Moved
Always
Parents
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Rodney Dangerfield
