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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Moving
Parenting
Found
Comedian
Kids
Moved
Always
Parents
Humor
Comedy
Parent
Parenthood
Funny
Pregnancy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
