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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Drink
Glasses
Stay
Kissing
Wife
Lips
Dog
Tough
Married
Couple
Kisses
Marriage
Glass
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Rodney Dangerfield
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Rodney Dangerfield
