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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Drink
Glasses
Stay
Kissing
Wife
Lips
Dog
Tough
Married
Couple
Kisses
Marriage
Glass
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I don't get no respect
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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