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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Naked
Saws
Afraid
Wife
Dark
Light
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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