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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Saws
Afraid
Wife
Dark
Light
Naked
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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