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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Dark
Light
Naked
Saws
Afraid
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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