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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Saws
Afraid
Wife
Dark
Light
Naked
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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