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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Naked
Saws
Afraid
Wife
Dark
Light
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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