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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Facts
Mirrors
Place
Sex
Life
Comedy
Witty
Food
Kitchen
Taken
Aging
Age
Mirror
Fact
Table
Funny
Tables
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
Rodney Dangerfield
