Quote

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Food
Kitchen
Taken
Aging
Age
Mirror
Fact
Table
Funny
Tables
Facts
Mirrors
Place
Sex
Life
Comedy
Witty

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield