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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hear
Morning
Guy
Loom
Underwear
Fruit
Guys
Laughing
Comedy
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I can't get no respect.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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