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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Games
Fighting
Hockey
Night
Fighter
Broke
Fight
Game
Went
Sports
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
