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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wordplay
Viagra
Juice
Drinking
Taking
Coming
Going
Prune
Prunes
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I can't get no respect.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
