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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Going
Prune
Prunes
Wordplay
Viagra
Juice
Drinking
Taking
Coming
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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