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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Going
Prune
Prunes
Wordplay
Viagra
Juice
Drinking
Taking
Coming
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I can't get no respect.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
