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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humorous
Looked
Tree
Funny
Family
Genealogy
Found
Sap
Witty
Forests
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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