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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tree
Funny
Family
Genealogy
Found
Sap
Witty
Forests
Humorous
Looked
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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