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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Found
Sap
Witty
Forests
Humorous
Looked
Tree
Funny
Family
Genealogy
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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