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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Jealous
Ridiculous
Looked
Wife
Getting
Calendar
May
Calendars
Wanted
Jealousy
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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