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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Funny
Girl
Home
Come
Phoned
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
