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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Funny
Girl
Home
Phoned
Come
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
