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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Funny
Girl
Home
Come
Phoned
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
