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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Come
Phoned
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
Went
Funny
Girl
Home
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
