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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Girl
Home
Come
Phoned
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
Went
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
