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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Girl
Home
Come
Phoned
Amusing
Nobody
Humor
Went
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
