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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Drink
Olives
Party
Sample
Lasts
Drunkenness
Last
Drank
Much
Beer
Time
Alcohol
Drinking
Urine
Gave
Olive
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I don't get no respect
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
