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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Much
Beer
Time
Alcohol
Drinking
Urine
Gave
Olive
Drink
Olives
Party
Sample
Lasts
Drunkenness
Last
Drank
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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