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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Women
Spoken
Chatterbox
Years
Havens
Interrupting
Haven
Interrupt
Marriage
Talkers
Silence
Hilarious
Wife
Sarcasm
Funny
Sarcastic
Didn
Favourite
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
