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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Crazy
Opinion
Beauty
Psychiatrist
Funny
Ugly
Okay
Second
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
