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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Crazy
Opinion
Beauty
Psychiatrist
Funny
Ugly
Okay
Second
Humor
Told
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
