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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Okay
Second
Humor
Told
Crazy
Opinion
Beauty
Psychiatrist
Funny
Ugly
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
