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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
People
Witty
Hang
Humorous
Funny
Found
Look
Looks
Thin
Way
Fats
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
