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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Way
Fats
People
Witty
Hang
Humorous
Funny
Found
Look
Looks
Thin
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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