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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Perfume
Sent
Divorce
Cards
Lawyer
Guess
Hear
Signed
Woman
Valentine

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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
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There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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