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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Hear
Signed
Woman
Valentine
Perfume
Sent
Divorce
Cards
Lawyer
Guess

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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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