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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Cards
Lawyer
Guess
Hear
Signed
Woman
Valentine
Perfume
Sent
Divorce

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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
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Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
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I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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