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Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, Guess Who? She's a divorce lawyer.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Sent
Divorce
Cards
Lawyer
Guess
Hear
Signed
Woman
Valentine
Perfume

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Robert Orben
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben