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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Share
Brokers
Wonder
Shares
Would
Spell
Spells
Yesterday
Beginning
Hundred
Told
Broker

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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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