Quote

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Always
Appropriate
Like
Smell
English
Cologne
Called
Wallet
Father
Wallets
Kids
Leather
Give
Bottle
Giving
Bottles

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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
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A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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