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Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
Robert Orben
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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Road
Drink
Lane
Need
Lanes
Needs
Grave
Work
Passings
Much
Graves
Smoke
Passing
More quotes by Robert Orben
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
Robert Orben
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
Robert Orben
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben
I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
Robert Orben
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
Robert Orben
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Robert Orben
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
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All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
Robert Orben
President Ford used humor a great deal.
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Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
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I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Robert Orben
You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
Robert Orben
Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
Robert Orben