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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Warn
Boxers
Shorts
Underneath
Wearing
Clothes
Use
Boxer

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
Robert Orben
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
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Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
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The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
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It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Robert Orben
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben
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It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line.
Robert Orben
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I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
Robert Orben
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
Robert Orben
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Individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben
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To exercise is human not to is divine.
Robert Orben
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They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Robert Orben
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Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
Robert Orben
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
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As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Robert Orben
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Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Robert Orben
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Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
Robert Orben
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben