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I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Robert Orben

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Robert Orben
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: March 4
Magician
Writer
the United States of America
Boxer
Warn
Boxers
Shorts
Underneath
Wearing
Clothes
Use

More quotes by Robert Orben

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Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
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I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
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Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
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If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
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When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
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